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Morrus (ENWorld) ueber d20-Publisher

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Selganor [n/a]:
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Another Rant

Hey, if Monte Cook can do it, then so can I. I don't often let my personal opinions seep through into the news, but I feel the need to rant about something about the d20 industry that really bugs me.

What's that? What's the thing about the industry that really bugs me?

The publishers. The thing about the industry that really bugs me is the publishers. Or, more precisely, my relationship with them. This article is about them, and it's going to make a whole bunch of them really dislike me. Good.

See, it's like this. You're walking down the street, and you see a guy. Any guy. And you walk up to him and give him a dollar (well, I'd give him a pound, but most of you are Americans, so we'll stick with the dollar analogy). And then, you know what he does? He turns around and complains that you didn't give him two dollars. How do you feel? I'll bet your reaction is something along the lines of "screw him!"

So, you know, there's this website. EN World, I think it's called. Nothing major, just a guy who runs a website which reports the latest d20 industry news and stuff. It's fairly popular, as RPG websites go, but hardly big business. And then, there's all these people who make books and stuff, and the EN World website thing tells everyone about it. Oh, yeah, and also the EN World place, it provides this big messageboard thingy, and loads of people gather together and talk about the books that the other people made.

And then, the people who make the books - they complain about it. See, 'cause that isn't enough. It's just not good enough. They think the website thingy owes them more. Sort of like it's something they pay for and they expect a service, like. Except they don't pay for it, so screw their expectations of service. See, this is how I should reply to people, only I'm too nice and I don't:

"Oh, I'm so angry, why wasn't my press release posted?" - "Because it was crap and boring. And I didn't want to post it."

"Oooh, EN World hates us because we get bad reviews there!" - "Look, pal, the reviews aren't written by me, they're written by people who bought your books. So if the reviews are bad, it's probably because your product was crap."

"The ENnies should give me extra sales, but they don't." - "Like I care. My job isn't to give you sales, it's to tell fans about D&D-type stuff. I don't care about your sales. And the ENnies - they're there to say to the writers and artists 'hey, you did a good job!' If that means nothing to you, then don't enter. Please. I don't mind, because the ENnies cost me a load of time and effort and benefit me not at all." Look at the big picture, folks - EN World supports you, like all the time, and once a year I ask for something back, and all you can say is "What's in it for me?". "We can't justify it on a cost-profit-benefit-nonsense analysis"; yeah, well, I can't justify being nice about your company on a cost-profit-benefit-nonsense analysis. And don't dare tell me again that I benefit, site-traffic wise, from the ENnies, because your websites ain't big enough to make a noticeable difference. That, my friends, is a fact.

Advertisers complaining that their ads don't generate enough sales? Guess what, guy - I have news for you. It's not my fault. It's because your ad was crap. Or maybe the ad was OK, but they looked at your product, and that was crap. Don't blame me - I showed your ad to the number of people you asked me to. What they do then is your problem, not mine. Actually, I've pretty much learned over the last few years what works and what doesn't regarding internet advertising of RPG products. Want me to tell you? Send me a cheque, and I'll tell you how to do it; I've given you enough already over the years.

WotC taking their toys and going home because they didn't win in the ENnies last year? That's pathetic. Is the company run by children? Yeah, I know, everyone's saying on the boards that WotC didn't enter the ENnies this year because they were being mature and responsible, knowing that if they swept the awards (as they probably would), it would cause a problem. Well, I've heard otherwise. They entered last year. They didn't sweep the awards. Now they're sulking, because they believe they deserved to win. Or so I hear.

Hey, WotC, let me tell you something. See this site? Look around it a bit. On the left there, you'll see a list of your upcoming products. Check out the news - oh, look! It reports a bunch of stuff - your stuff. Have a look at the messageboards. What's everyone talking about? Oh, right, it's that D&D thing. Something to do with you, I believe. You see, this site, this one right here, the one you're looking at, is your number one fan site in the whole wide world. Yep, it's a site pretty much devoted to you. You'd think I'd get a friggin' "thank you" once in a blue moon. But no, you take your toys and go home because you didn't win. Way to treat your number one fans. I hate to think how you treat everyone else.

Actually, once upon a time, WotC was quite nice. I could email people and talk to them about the latest D&D stuff. Now I get press releases from their press officer which say nothing. If I send an email, it's either ignored or responded to with a form letter of some kind. The last person at WotC who actually bothered to go out of his way to talk to me was Anthony Valterra, abrupt though he was. Now he's gone.

It's not just WotC, though. It's all of them. I'm going to let you into a secret, folks. You don't need any more d20 stuff. Your game is fine as it is. Don't buy anything else. It won't make your game any better, no matter how much the publishers try and tell you so (except for FDP's Battle Box thingy, which looks utterly fantastic!)

The publishers out there, they all think I'm their personal marketing machine. They think I'm here to increase their sales. Well, here's some news - I don't give a flying **** about your sales. If you don't sell a single product in the next year, then I'm glad.

Here's a good one. "EN World is the enemy". "EN Publishing is a competitor - don't help them out in any way!". EN World is the enemy? EN World is the enemy? I've got to say it again. EN World is the friggin' enemy? If you want me to be your enemy, I can be. Really. EN World is the enemy, indeed... do all of your enemies post news about your latest product releases on their websites, provide a place for people to talk about your products? Do all of your enemies give you free publicity? I'm eagerly waiting to see EN Publishing's latest release reported on Bastion Press' website. I can't wait!

You know what? EN World has, for several years now, given you advertising for free. Yep, free. So far. Unfortunately for you, I'm calling in your debt. My calculations show that every d20 publisher out there owes me $1,000 for past services rendered. You can Paypal it to me at russ@en-world.freeserve.co.uk. I eagerly await your payments - I'm going to buy myself a new car. Oh, and WotC? You owe me $5,000. And you owe Eric Noah $10,000. You can Paypal him at ericnoah@charter.net. He could use a new bicycle or something. He likes hiking and stuff. Oh, Monte Cook doesn't owe anything, he's a good guy. Chris Pramas, too. And the FDP guys.

Get it straight, folks. EN World is on your side, and it goes out of its way to help you. For nothing. Be grateful. Because I'm feeling kinda taken for granted, here.

[Update to this rant, after some of the response I've gotten - yes, the bit about the $1,000 is sarcasm, not an actual request; the exception list at the end is a sample of a couple of recognisable folks and isn't a comprehensive itemised list of every single person in the industry who I think is OK.]

Darklone:
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